


How Not to Fuse

by Tatsurou



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-23 10:58:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10718043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tatsurou/pseuds/Tatsurou
Summary: Steven and Connie have been together for several years.  There have been trials both domestic and revolutionary, both Earthly and Otherworldly.  Through all this, they always knew that they'd always be together, and at long last they know it's time for them to take the next step in their relationship...Except they keep Fusing!  Maybe one of the Gems can help...Please read and review.  Comments appreciated.





	1. When it Feels Right

Steven grinned as he looked around the pink cloud filled room, making sure everything was prepared perfectly.  Thinking that made him chuckle as he realized just how much Pearl had rubbed off on him in that way.  “Let’s see now…giant bed?”  He glanced over the bed he’d conjured from his imagination, heart-shaped with pink sheets.  He’d tried for different colors several times, but His Room in the Temple had trouble making anything that wasn’t pink unless it was based off a specific, non-pink object.  Since he liked pink anyway, he’d let it be.  “Check.”

“Floor?”  He glanced down to where he stood, making certain that yes, that was a pink carpeted floor in a cloud pattern rather than a carpet of pink clouds.  There were limits to the amount of focus he and The Room could bring to bear, and he preferred to keep the focus on more important details.  “Check.  Rose petals strewn about everywhere?”

His smile wavered slightly as he stared out at the rose petals covering the bed, the floor, and swirling around in the distance.  Sure, they were traditional for what they were doing and fit the décor…but roses were always associated with his Mom in Steven’s mind, with good reason.  His smile managed to steady when he reminded himself how he’d chosen to think of it…as a sign that his Mom was – as always – with him for the most important moments of his life.  “Check,” he murmured softly, his hand going briefly to his Gem before looking around again.  “Scented candles?”

The curtained off area of His Room had candles of various scents designed to mix pleasantly together scattered around, chosen by design to help set the mood and give illumination.  He took a sniff…only to wrinkle his nose.  “A little strong…”  With a thought, he made about half the candles vanish in poofs of pink cloud.  Taking another whiff, he smiled.  “That’s better…now to test illumination.”  Raising his hands above his head, he slowly lowered them.

The light outside the curtained off area slowly dimmed as though the sun were setting, even creating a brief fiery display in the distance before the pink was dimmed to dark purple, with stars glittering far above.  He pushed from his mind the fact that, despite all his attempts, His Room still showed stars in patterns he’d never seen.  They were his Mom’s stars, after all, the ones she had looked up at when she’d first emerged from the Earth.  Turning his attention back to around him, he saw the candles’ glow now gave the perfect amount of illumination amongst the curtains.

“Check,” Steven confirmed with a wide grin.  “Music?”  As he asked, soft mood music began to play from everywhere and nowhere, having the exact quality of music played on a phonograph despite the absence of any phonograph present.  His Room was truly a marvel in its own way.

“Check,” he purred happily.  “This rockin’ bod?”  He glanced down at himself as he flexed playfully.  Around the time Connie had hit her first growth spurt from puberty, Steven had started shooting up like a weed and out like a tree.  He was still a bit chubby, but now he looked less like a beach ball and more like a somewhat out-of-shape linebacker, with thick limbs and broad shoulders.  Of course, he was pretty certain that was the result of subconscious shape shifting keeping him ‘soft and cuddly’ for when he and Connie were relaxing together, as he became visibly tougher while in combat.  In one such combat, his shirt had been torn off and Amethyst had commented that she could grind meat on his abs.  Despite his best efforts, though, Steven had never seen that definition himself.  He was ‘soft and cuddly’ right now, plainly visible with him only wearing his pants.  “Check,” he stated proudly.  “All that’s missing is-“

“This ‘rocking’ bod?” Connie purred teasingly as the curtains parted for her.

Steven turned towards his girlfriend and couldn’t help but stare.  She had grown beautifully as puberty hit her in full.  The diet her Mom had designed for her ‘Gem War’ activities had ensured she grew tall, and the training and battles ensured she stayed lean but well-muscled.  The only fat on her was in rather pleasing areas, as she’d grown quite curvaceous.  Right now, that full figure was barely contained by an ‘outfit’ – if it could be called that – she’d obviously conjured out of the Room, as Dr. Maheswaran likely would have had an aneurysm if she’d ever seen a bill for it or found it in Connie’s closet.  Steven let an incredibly goofy grin cross his face as he turned fully towards her.  “Check…” he responded.

Connie couldn’t help but giggle as she stepped up to him, placing her smaller hands in his larger ones.  “Ready?” she asked him softly.

“Definitely,” Steven responded eagerly.  “You?” he asked gently.

In response, Connie lifted one hand from his, put it to his slightly stubbly cheek, and guided him into a deep kiss.  They slowly spun around each other as they pulled closer and closer before finally tumbling to the bed, Steven landing on his back as Connie sprawled on top of him.  The gentle kissing continued, but their hands ceased to be content in each other’s.  They started to run their hands over each other’s bodies, feeling every inch and curve as the moment they were eager for approached.  As Connie’s hands started to tug on Steven’s pants, they both felt this moment was totally, perfectly right…

Until Stevonnie opened her eyes.  “Oh, come on!” she declared angrily as the music stopped, the candles went out, and sunlight returned to Her Room.  “This is the 13th time we’ve tried to get this right, and the 13th time we’ve wound up fusing!  This is so-“

In a flash of light, Stevonnie separated back into Steven and Connie.

“-confusing!” Steven finished his thought.

“-frustrating!” Connie concluded her own, the difference in emotional states – and their own lack of desire to remain fused at the moment – having triggered their separation.

“Everything was perfect this time!” Steven complained.  “What went wrong?  What do we still need to do?”

“Why the heck is it this hard to make love?” Connie demanded angrily.  “We just want to-“  She paused as she turned towards Steven, only to start giggling.

“What’s so funny?” Steven demanded, turning towards Connie…only to discover she was now wearing his pants, instead of the ‘outfit’ she’d picked out.  Looking down, he realized just how ludicrous said outfit looked on him, and he quickly joined Connie in laughter as they fell against each other in the bed…

Stevonnie sighed as she pushed herself off the bed.  “Well, that’s one way to get back in the right clothes,” she murmured ruefully.  “Still, maybe we should-“

“Really?” Steven demanded as the pair once more were in their separate bodies, and back in their proper clothes.  “You really think we should ask the Gems?”

“Can you think of anyone else to ask?” Connie countered.  “Fusion _is_ a Gem thing, so if we want to know how to stop it when we don’t want it, we should ask them!”

“But…” Steven began awkwardly.  “They’re like my Moms!  It’s…awkward.”

“Come on, Steven!” Connie nudged playfully.  “You’ve never had a problem asking them about odd things.  Remember when you asked Pearl why you were growing hair on your-“

“Don’t remind me!” Steven groaned, burying his face in his hands.  If there was one thing he’d classify as a drawback to spending so much time fused with Connie – other than its interference in their present endeavor – it was that she had access to all the most embarrassing moments of his life, whether she was there for them or not.  “But even so, it’s…well, how would you feel about asking _your_ Mom for advice on your sex life?”

“Gyak!” Connie let out as she tumbled back.  “Don’t even go there!  Ever since she accepted that she can’t keep me from going to war with you, she’s determined to ‘keep me safe’ in all _other_ ways by teaching total abstinence!  I swear, if she weren’t a doctor she’d probably be like those stereotypical ‘if you have sex you’ll get pregnant and die’ matrons!”

“…okay, maybe asking the Gems is a _bit_ better than that,” Steven allowed with a rueful chuckle.  “But who should we ask?”

“Uh, duh?” Connie pointed out as she grabbed the clothes she’d brought into the Room to get changed.  “We want to know about Fusions…we ask Garnet!”

Steven smacked himself in the forehead, feeling like an idiot.  “Duh!  Of course Garnet’s the one to ask.  How did I not think of that?”

“Because Stevonnie obviously gets her brain from me,” Connie teased playfully, pressing her back against Steven to lean into him.

Steven lovingly wrapped his arm around her.  “Then it’s a good thing I’ll always have you to keep me in line, isn’t it?” he whispered affectionately.

Connie grinned impishly up at him.  “We should probably get going before we end up fusing again.”

“Good idea,” Steven agreed with a chuckle as he grabbed his shirt.


	2. Chapter 2

As Steven led Connie out of His Room, he ducked slightly to get through the door without bumping his head.  Not that he actually _needed_ to, but it was a habit he’d started to develop ever since his growth spurt.  He was a foot taller than Pearl already, and a foot and a half taller than Connie.  As Stevonnie, they _did_ have to duck to get through the door without bumping their head now.  He gently stabilized Connie as she stepped out, as frequent Fusing and Defusing was rougher on her physiology than on his own, though never resulted in more than momentary dizziness.

“Steven, Connie,” Garnet greeted from where she was leaned against the kitchen counter, smiling right at them across the Warp Pad.  “You wanted to talk to me?”

Connie smiled.  “Saw the conversation in the future?” she asked curiously.

“Yup,” Garnet confirmed levelly.

“Then you already know what we want to ask you about?” Steven asked hopefully.

“Nope,” Garnet corrected, frowning slightly.  “Just that it’s going to be very awkward…and possibly hilarious in hindsight.  Conversations like that get too convoluted for me to navigate successfully with my Future Sight, and attempts alter the outcomes.”

Steven sighed worriedly as he led Connie over so all three could take seats.  “Yeah…definitely going to be awkward,” he agreed.  “Though I’m glad it’s just the two of you and the two of us right now.  Makes things much…simpler.”

“Then this is about Fusion,” Garnet deduced.  “Alright.  I suppose I am the one who knows it most intimately.  Go ahead.”

“We were hoping…you could give us tips on how to _not_ Fuse,” Connie explained carefully.

The temperature in the room visibly dropped, ice actually forming on several surfaces.  “I…beg your pardon?” she asked coldly.  “You…don’t want to be Fused?”

Steven quickly moved to smooth things over.  “It’s nothing like that, really!” he offered quickly.  “We…we love being Fused, being Stevonnie.  It’s just…there’s a next step we’re trying to take in our relationship, but every time we try we end up Fusing.”

Garnet smiled as the temperature returned to normal.  “Then I see why you came to me,” she admitted.  “You two Fuse even easier than we do.  But I don’t understand why Fusing is a problem.  Can’t you just keep going while Fused?”

“It…doesn’t exactly work that way,” Connie corrected.  “I’m…pretty sure Stevonnie wouldn’t have the proper…equipment.  Or at least not all of it.”

“And even if we do as Stevonnie,” Steven continued, “it would be…doing it to ourself, not…each other.  It…would lose the intimacy.”

Garnet rubbed her chin thoughtfully.  “Well, Stevonnie can shapeshift too.  Can’t you create any extra tools you need?”  She either ignored or failed to notice the flustered expressions that crossed her companions’ faces at that comment.  “And…I’m afraid I’m having trouble imagining anything more intimate than being Fused.”

“We talking about Fusing?” Amethyst asked as she rolled off the bed on the second floor, rolling into the kitchen.  “Sounds interesting.  What’s up?”

“Steven and Connie were asking me for pointers on how to _not_ Fuse,” Garnet explained.  “I’m having some difficulty understanding why they’d want that.”

“Oh, yeah, they Fuse _way_ too easily!” Amethyst agreed.  “They laugh at the same joke while leaning against each other, we get Stevonnie.  They cling to each other in fear from a scary movie, we get Stevonnie hiding under the couch.  Seriously, the only time they _don’t_ end up Fusing is if they’re shouting at each other…but that always ends with them making up, making out, and Fusing!”  She paused, tapping her chin thoughtfully as she idly played with her hair.  “Stevonnie’s been upset when that happens recently, though.”

“It’s because there’s…something we want to do with each other that we can’t do while Fused,” Steven explained carefully, doing his best to control his blushing.  “A…an intimate human bonding activity.”

Garnet rubbed her chin thoughtfully.  “I see…well, you don’t Fuse that easily with Amethyst.  Perhaps you can demonstrate this bonding activity with her so I can better understand-“

“I’m not going to have sex with my big sister!” Steven yelled out, face flaming.  His perceptions of the other Crystal Gems had changed over the years.  While Garnet was still firmly a ‘Mom’, Pearl was now more of an Aunt to him, while Amethyst had firmly become his ‘big sister’ with all the ‘troublemaking antics’ they got up to together.

“Oh, sex!” Amethyst declared happily.  “I know about that!  Greg and Rose did it a _lot_!  Rose said it was the human version of Fusion.”  She frowned thoughtfully.  “Though they never let me watch, so I don’t know what’s involved exactly…or why Rose seemed to like it so much when Greg ‘did her butt’.”

Steven promptly slammed his face into the table as Connie hid her own flaming face against his shoulder.  “Thank you, Amethyst…as far as traumatizing mental images go, somehow I doubt even the Gem War can provide something worse than picturing my parents engaging in butt-sex-“

“And Greg seemed to like Rose doing his butt-“

“You can shut up now Amethyst you just topped it!” Connie screamed quickly.

“How…how does that even work?” Steven wondered.  “Rose…she wouldn’t have…what…”

“I think it had something to do with Rose shape shifting-“ Amethyst continued.

“I do not need more mental images of my parents indulging in shapeshifting kinky sex!” Steven screamed out at the top of his voice.

“Who’s talking about sex?” Pearl demanded intently as she came into the room, the Temple Door irising shut behind her.  “What brought this on?”

“Steven and Connie asked me for tips on how to keep from Fusing whenever they get intimate because they want to have sex,” Garnet explained, a mischievous grin on her face making Steven and Connie’s eyes widen in fear.

“What?” Pearl demanded in shock.  “But they can’t!  That’s how humans make babies!”

“Babies come out of the butt?” Amethyst asked in confusion.

Pearl rounded on Steven.  “Steven, you must not have sex!  If you have sex, you will get pregnant and die!”

“What?” Steven gasped in shock.

“That’s just absurd!” Connie insisted.  “That’s not how-“

“It’s what happened to Rose!” Pearl screamed out, her voice somewhere between anger and terror.  Everyone else could only stare at her, slack-jawed in amazement.  She then began to pace.  “Oh, I knew something like this was coming the moment I saw those… _things_ growing hair!  They’re the cause of all this!  Well, there’s a simple solution.”  Reaching up to her Gem, she drew her sword.  “Hold still, Steven.  This will only hurt for a few moments and then we can put all this sex nonsense behind us before you-“

“Run for it!” Connie screamed out, grabbing hold of Steven.  A blaze of light later and Stevonnie was running for her life.

“After them!” Pearl called out in terror.  “We have to protect Steven from himself!  We can’t let them make babies!”  She turned and raced after the fleeing Fusion.  Amethyst followed, looking more confused than concerned.

Garnet slowly got to her feet to follow.  “It seems I was mistaken,” she murmured softly.  “I don’t have to wait for hindsight for this to be hilarious…for me, anyway.”


	3. Chapter 3

One thing that could be said for the skirmishes that continued to happen between the Crystal Gems, corrupted gems, and Homeworld forces was that Steven and Connie were both in excellent shape, to the point each of them individually could keep up with Pearl, Amethyst, or Garnet in combat.  One thing that was often overlooked was that, in terms of physical capabilities, a Fusion was _far_ greater than the sum of its parts.  As a result, Stevonnie in a panicked run could be halfway across Beach City leaping from rooftop to rooftop before Pearl could reach the door in pursuit.

Thankfully, their brain _also_ worked that much faster when she was completely focused as she was now.  As a result, rather than simply running in terror Stevonnie raced rapidly around town to leave a false trail to lead Pearl and the others a merry chase before making a beeline to the one other place they might get help with their original problem _and_ talking Pearl out of castrating Steven to keep him from getting pregnant…or at least hold her down long enough to explain that boys didn’t get pregnant.

Leaping into the barn, Stevonnie shouted at the top of her lungs, “Peridot!  Peri, you in there?”

The yellow-green gem they were looking for just so happened to actually be home as they had hoped, and stuck her head out the side of the barn at their shout.  “What?  Who’s yelling for…oh, you’re Fused again.”  Despite having mostly gotten over her ingrained prejudice against Fusion – and even having Fused herself a few times – Peridot still didn’t like talking with one being that she knew more comfortably as two.  While she was happy treating Garnet as Garnet, Stevonnie and other ‘temporary’ Fusions – as Peridot called them – still unnerved her as conversation partners.  “What do _you two_ need?” she asked pointedly.

“Help!” Stevonnie screamed as she dove through the window.  “Pearl wants to castrate Steven!”

“What?” Peridot demanded in shock.  “Does that hyped up servant have a screw loose or something?”  Despite being more amicable with everyone, certain ‘nick names’ had remained, though usually said with much less hostility or arrogance than they had originally been present.

“… _what?_ ” Lapis demanded coldly from the upper floors, her eyes _blazing_ in rage as she spread her water wings.  Despite showing no power beyond that as she floated down to the ground, the air of dangerous menace surrounding her made the time she stole the Earth’s oceans seem peaceful by comparison, like a Red Spot level storm waiting for an excuse to break.  While the blue water gem had _mostly_ adjusted to Earth from her long time there and even come to enjoy being there, a few things from her initial days remained.  First was a fear of confined spaces that only avoided being classified as irrational because she had a perfectly explicable reason for said fear and it was _completely rational_ (no matter how many times it was explained to her that ‘irrational fear’ meant a fear that robbed her of _her_ rationality when she was in the grips of it).  The second was an almost fanatical overprotectiveness of Steven rivalled only by Pearl’s…though most days Pearl was the one more likely to hear Steven out if danger was a possibility.  “What makes her think that’s a good idea, and how soon do I need to be able to _crush her_?”

“It’s not her fault!” Stevonnie insisted quickly.  “She just doesn’t want Steven to have sex because she thinks he’ll get pregnant and die!”

The rage left the two gems faces.  Peridot’s was replaced with confusion.  Lapis was replaced by resigned annoyance…which to be fair was her standard expression when dealing with anything other than Steven nine times out of ten.

“If making babies kills you, why are there so many documentaries about-“ Peridot began.

“That’s a parody, Peri,” Lapis pointed out quickly.  “Pearl _does_ know what a parody is, right?”

“Oh…yeah, I saw those,” Peridot confirmed.  “But I thought it was the female humans that got pregnant?”

“It is.”

Peridot blinked for a time.  “Wow.  Pearl’s really gone off her rocker this time.”

“Maybe we should get the whole story?” Lapis suggested.

Sighing, Stevonnie sat down.  “It goes like this…”

012343210

Greg lay back on his beach chair in front of the car wash.  Admittedly he didn’t get much business these days, but someone still had to mind the store just in case.  Besides, the sun was good for him…literally.  Peridot had noticed him starting to grow weaker as age creeped up on him and his hair started to turn grey…and had snuck in one night and installed a Gem-tech bio-converter that allowed him to absorb solar energy through his skin to directly revitalize the cells of his body.  The other Gems had thrown a fit about Peridot’s ‘unauthorized experimentations on friends and family’, and Steven had shown his first moment of true rage at Peridot over her recklessness…but Greg had smoothed it all over with his joy at discovering he was now literally solar powered.  The fact that it apparently increased his expected lifespan by half a century was a bonus, even if to Greg it only meant he’d be in good enough condition to play with his grandchildren when Steven and Connie finally got married and got to work on that.  Even the Maheswarans were in agreement that the pair were an adorable couple, and were privately planning a few details of the eventual wedding.  The hope for all three parents was that a quiet enough stretch in the Gem War would occur to let it happen while all three were alive to attend.

“Have you seen Steven and Connie making babies?”

Greg’s eyes snapped open as he heard Pearl shout _that_ particular odd demand.  Sitting up, he lifted his sunglasses to see what was going on, only to see Sadi and Lars running for the hills away from Pearl as fast as their legs could carry them.  The fact she was brandishing her sword _and_ her spear probably had more to do with it than the nature of her inquiry.  “Pearl?  What in the universe has gotten into you?”

Amethyst chuckled softly as she rolled up beside Greg.  “I think the problem is she needs a bit of Universe _in_ her, if you catch my drift Greg,” she offered teasingly.

“Amethyst!” Pearl shouted out as her cheeks flushed bluish-green.  “We’re trying to keep Steven from getting pregnant and dying!  What part of that makes you think I want Greg to do me in the butt?”

Garnet smiled innocently as she hid a tape recorder that had been a gift from Peridot.  “Never have I been gladder to have that on me at all times,” she murmured softly.  “Thank you future visions…”

Greg blinked, completely confused.  “Can…can someone explain this in a calm, rational way that makes sense?” he pleaded.

“Not Pearl, that’s for sure,” Amethyst joked.

“Steven and Connie are trying to have sex!” Pearl shouted back.  “When Rose had sex, she got pregnant and died!  We can’t let that happen to Steven!”

Greg’s eyes bulged as his face paled.  “Oh my gosh!  I hadn’t thought about that part of getting grandkids!  If they have a half-Gem baby…Amethyst, I need a lift to the barn!  If anyone can figure that out, it’ll be Peridot!”

“Of course!” Pearl declared in realization.  “That’s where they went!  Garnet couldn’t help them, so they’d go to that green midget!  Come on!”

“And get me there before Pearl does something drastic!” Greg shouted at Amethyst as she turned into a large cheetah and he clung to her back.

012343210

Lapis and Peridot stared at Stevonnie as she finished her tale.  Lapis was frowning in concern as it ended.  Peridot had both fists in her mouth as she struggled not to burst into laughter.  “So…Pearl’s convinced you two having sex will cause Steven to get pregnant and die, which is what happened to Rose Quartz for Steven to come into existence?” Lapis clarified.  “And…this started out trying to figure out how to have sex without Fusing?”

“Y-yeah…” Stevonnie stammered, not really sure what else to say to all that.

“Yeah, sex is a really intimate act,” Lapis agreed.  “Peri and I kept Fusing whenever we tried at first-“

“L-Lapis!” Peridot gasped out, her laughter immediately replaced by embarrassment as she blushed yellow.

“-but we figured out a way around it,” Lapis concluded.  “Oddly enough, it’s a human solution.”

“Really?” Stevonnie gasped eagerly.  “What is-“

“Speaking of, is it your turn to use the whips tonight or mine?” Peridot asked Lapis curiously.

“Mine,” Lapis stated firmly.

“…you sure?” Peridot asked carefully.  “Pretty sure I was tied up last night-“

Stevonnie’s eyes popped open wide, and a blaze of light resulted in Steven and Connie clutching at their eyes.  “I did not need that image!” they screamed together.

“…how did the same reaction to an image make you split?” Lapis asked curiously.

“Steven was freaking out about you being tied up and w-w-whipped,” Connie managed to gasp out.  “Mostly because of concern from your confinement issues.  My freak-out was from imagining you whipping a bound Peridot, because of…well…back when you tried to drown me.”

“…yeah, I can see why those would be the issues you two had,” Lapis allowed blandly.  She’d long stopped apologizing every time someone brought up a past mistake in casual conversation, concluding that anyone who felt she _still_ needed to apologize more likely deserved a Gem-powered enema, and anyone else bringing it up _wasn’t_ trying to encourage an extra apology.

“So I’m guessing MBDS-“

“You got the letter order wrong again,” Lapis commented dryly.

“-isn’t a solution you’re fond of?” Peridot asked curiously.

“Couldn’t you, I don’t know, make anti-Fusion jewelry or something?” Steven demanded.  “I mean, there were those electric wand things you had on the ship that split Garnet apart.”

“Those are actually based in the containment shield technology which is designed to cause a Gem to lose their manifestation on contact,” Peridot pointed out.  “For one thing, they didn’t work properly on you, so something based on that probably wouldn’t work.”

“Also, we tried that first,” Lapis pointed out.  “Little bracers that generated a brief energy field that interfered with the Fusion process any time it started to happen.  Hurt like hell and ruined the mood every time.”

“So much for that idea,” Connie groaned.  “Even using Steven’s Room in the Temple where he can make things happen however he wants didn’t work…”

Peridot’s eyes widened and she rubbed her chin thoughtfully.  “A special room…there might be something there…”

“Though for now you two should run,” Lapis told Steven and Connie.  “Pearl and the others are on their way here, and they’ve picked up Greg.”

“Running!” Connie declared immediately, grabbing Steven’s hand as the pair booked it.


	4. Chapter 4

As Connie and Steven ran as fast as they could, Steven started thinking about everything that had happened as he tried to make sense of things.  He dismissed Pearl’s conclusion that sex would lead to _him_ getting pregnant and dying out of hand, as there was simply no way that could happen.  He didn’t have the right internals for that, and his shape shifting didn’t work the same way it did for the others since most of his body _wasn’t_ a hard light construct.  However, Pearl’s freak out over such things _had_ raised another thought in Steven’s head: Connie getting pregnant.

Now, he’d always known that was a _possibility_ if they successfully had sex, and ‘protection’ wasn’t really viable as Beach City pharmacy didn’t carry it in his size, and there weren’t any other drug stores in easy reach to buy…and Connie trying to buy them outside of Beach City was as out of the question as her trying to buy clothing like what she conjured for herself in His Room.  Still, he was a human/Gem hybrid.  It was probably unlikely that he _could_ produce viable spermatozoa, any more than a mule or a liger could.  But then again…

The powers he inherited from his mother were the Rose Shield and Healing Mucosa, focused in his saliva as opposed to tears as it had been for Rose Quartz.  One could deduce that such power would actually make his spermatozoa exceptionally potent, and if being a Gem hybrid showed up anywhere in his DNA…that had never been checked…

As his mind flashed him an image of the Kindergarten Injectors, he stumbled and fell flat on his face, pulling Connie down with him onto the beach sands below the Temple.

“Wah!” Connie screamed out as she tumbled to the ground.  “Steven, are you okay-”

“Stay back!” Steven screamed out as he scooted away from her as fast as he could crawl backwards.

Connie crossed her arms over her chest and frowned at him, plainly unamused.  “…okay, what brought on the ‘keep away from me for your own good’ nonsense _this_ time?” she demanded coldly.  “We _know_ it’s not going to work, and you’re just making yourself look foolish sticking to it, so how about you try talking about it instead?”

Steven stared at Connie for a time, then sighed.  “Gems are parasites,” he stated calmly.

“Yeah, I know that,” Connie confirmed.  “We’ve gone over this before.  You showed me the Kindergartens and explained what they meant.  I’ve accepted that and moved past it.  Where are you going with this?”

“A Gem Seed is planted deep in the Earth, where it leeches away at the planet’s resources until it has enough to produce a full gem,” Steven continued.  “This eventually leaves the planet a hollowed out husk from too many Gems being produced-“

“I _just_ finished saying I knew about all this,” Connie growled irritably.  “Get to the point before Pearl gets here and gives you hers.”

“What if _I_ have Gem Seed?” Steven shouted at the top of his voice, his fear showing.

“…come again?” Connie asked, a little lost.

“Once might be too much!” Steven countered fearfully.

Connie blinked as she processed that innuendo with the conversation.  “Wait…you’re worried your spermatozoa will have Gem build code as part of the reproductive DNA?” she translated.

“Yes!” Steven shouted out.  “And if we have sex, _you_ could get pregnant and die as the baby tries to build a Gem inside you!”

Groaning, Connie put her face in her hands, rubbing at her temples as she wrapped her head around this.  “I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that way-“

“But how can we know?” Steven shouted fearfully.  “I…we can’t risk it, we just can’t!”

“What?” Connie gasped in shock.  “Look, Steven, I admit I hadn’t considered this possibility, but we _can_ figure this out.  And…”  She rubbed the back of her head.  “Okay, while I hadn’t planned a specific date or time, I _have_ had a few fantasy moments of a future with our kids, and I knew you’d make a great Father.  Don’t…don’t you want kids?”

“Not if it means losing you,” Steven groaned softly as he moved forward towards Connie.  “Not…not if it means going through what Dad did!”  He hung his head, tears forming at his eyes as he started to cry.  “Can you imagine?  Just…all he could do was be there with her, watching me slowly develop inside her, _knowing_ that my birth meant her death, that I would be _taking her Gem_ to come into existence, erasing her!  That the day I was born…he would never see again see the woman he loved more than his own life.  Can…can you even imagine what it must have felt like…to go through that?”

Without warning, he lunged forward and pulled Connie into a tight embrace.  “I can’t do it!  I can’t imagine how he did it…but I’m not that strong!  I can’t go through that!  I can’t live without you, Connie!”

Connie gasped in surprise at the suddenness of his declaration.  “…Steven…”  She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close as she felt his sorrow, his fear, his love…even without being Fused, she knew the intensity of his emotions too well, and didn’t need to imagine his emotional state.

A loud thump caused the pair to jump as they realized they weren’t alone.  Turning, they saw Greg climbing off Amethyst’s back as she changed from a purple cheetah back to her normal shape.  “Well,” Greg stated as he approached, “if there’s one thing I _never_ expected to hear in my life, it was my son claiming he wasn’t as strong as me.”  He chuckled softly.  “Then again, I never expected to see Pearl running around asking everyone if they’d seen you two making babies, so I guess this is a day of unexpected.”  As the two young adults stared at him, he knelt down in front of them.  “So…let’s talk about this a bit…”

012343210

Garnet smiled as she continued to leap alongside Pearl.  As she’d foreseen, Amethyst would get Greg to Steven and Connie _much_ faster than Pearl could keep up, and a ‘vision’ of where the pair had run off to led Pearl on a wild goose intercept course.  That would give Greg plenty of time to talk Steven and Connie out of any panics, and then everyone could talk rationally.  Her visions did show that when Pearl next met up with Steven, she’d be calm, though Garnet had followed _Greg_ with that vision as opposed to Pearl, so she didn’t know how yet, especially since Pearl was still demanding of anyone she came across-

“Have you seen Steven and Connie making babies?” Pearl demanded fearfully of a statue of all things.

“Pearl, that’s not a person-“ Garnet began.

“What?”  That sudden angry shout froze Pearl and Garnet as they slowly turned towards the source.  Dr. Maheswwaran stomped right up to the pair, her husband following behind.  Reaching out, Connie’s mother grabbed Pearl by the front of her outfit and pulled her nose to nose.  “Just _what_ did you mean by that, exactly?”

Garnet swallowed nervously.  “I really should have…but I did _not_ see this coming…”


	5. Chapter 5

Steven and Connie stared at Greg for a time as Amethyst moved back, giving the trio at least a semblance of privacy.  Finally, Greg broke the silence.  “So you two have been thinking about taking the next step in your relationship,” he deduced softly.  “You spent a good portion of your adolescence Fusing, and now you feel ready to make love.  I’m not about to say anything there.  In my opinion, if you’re old enough to legally give consent, you both care deeply for each other, and have proven capable of handling adult responsibilities, then you’ve outgrown any need of me sticking my oar in as far as your personal life.”  Lifting up his hand, he counted off his fingers.  “You’re both 18, the very fact Fusing is so easy for you that you had to talk to Garnet about making love shows just how much you care about each other, and the two of you together lead the Crystal Gems in protecting the Earth from alien invaders.  That’s pretty adult as far as responsibility.”  He smiled at Connie.  “I’m pretty sure your parents will feel differently should they hear about it – which is inevitable with how Pearl’s screaming about it – but I prefer to step back, let you both make your own decisions, and be available for you to consult with.”

Steven breathed a sigh of relief as Connie smiled.  “Thanks, Dad,” he offered warmly.  “It’s a relief to hear that.  But there’s still the issue of ‘how’…and…”

“And your worry that you’ll lose her,” Greg confirmed.  “But Steven…I know you.  You have the exact same fear every time the two of you go into battle together.  I had the same fear every time Rose had to go fight without me.  I know exactly what you’re feeling right now.”  Reaching forward, he placed his hand over his son’s…marveling at how huge those hands had become.  Steven was now nearly as large as Rose Quartz had been, and despite knowing he was the father Greg couldn’t help but feel like a child taking a parent’s hand.  “And when you live every day with fear…eventually you realize that letting fear define your life is the worst way to live.  The only way to overcome fear is to live despite it.  Fear what will happen to Connie in battle?  Fight by her side.  Fear what will happen if she gets pregnant?  Investigate possibilities and prepare.  And Steven…”  His voice slowly trailed off, not wanting to say the next thing.

“I know Dad,” Steven offered sadly, his other hand squeezing Connie’s.  “Given how I aged, it’s likely my lifespan is Gem rather than Human.  I’ll…even if Connie lives to a ripe old age and dies of natural causes, I’ll probably outlive her by a huge margin.”  He blinked away tears as he turned to Connie.  “But…that’s why I don’t want to lose a single moment of the time we will have together.”

Greg smiled softly.  “That’s a good way to look at it.”

The three sat in companionable silence for a time.  “…Dad?” Steven finally asked.  “How…how did you handle it?  How were you able to…keep going?”

“…I wasn’t,” Greg finally answered.  “Knowing I’d lose her, and then losing her…it broke me inside.  I hid it from her by focusing on our shared joy and anticipation of your entering the world.  I hid it from you all these years by focusing on being a good Father…once I figured out what I was doing.  But for the longest time, any time I was alone…I just let myself be broken.  It took a long time for me to put myself back together.”  He chuckled softly.  “And it was because of Connie that I managed it.”

“Me?” Connie gasped in surprise.  “What do you mean?”

“Steven saved that wrist glow all that time, keeping it frozen to keep it glowing, on the off chance he’d meet you again to return it to you,” Greg explained.  “And every day the two of you spent together…I saw Rose and me all over again.  I realized that as much as I grieved for losing Rose Quartz, she was never truly gone.  And I don’t mean because you have her Gem, Steven.  I mean because you’re _her son_.  Her love, her compassion, her joy…everything about her I loved was still there inside of you, and had been all this time.  She lives on through you…and when I eventually pass on, I’ll live on through you, too.”  He lifted his head to smile at both of them.  “And that’s why the two of you don’t have to be afraid of what will happen if you have children.  Even if your fears do come to pass and it means one of you dies to bring a child into the world, you’ll live on together in that child.”

Slow smiles spread over Steven and Connie’s faces as they slowly scooted closer to each other, feeling reassured by Greg’s words.

“Not for a good long time, you won’t!” Dr. Maheswaran barked out as she, her husband, Pearl, and Garnet arrived.

“Mom!” Connie gasped out in surprise.  “Dad!  What are you two doing here?”

“We were coming to visit when we encountered Pearl demanding if anyone had seen you two ‘making babies’,” Connie’s Father answered readily.  “Don’t you think you’re a little young for family planning?”

Connie quickly raised her hands.  “Mom, please, before we get into the yelling about not having sex yet, please explain to Pearl that it won’t make Steven pregnant and kill him before she cuts his balls off as a preventative!”

“W…what?” the doctor demanded, rounding on Pearl.  “You were _seriously_ going to castrate him to keep him from having sex?”

“I can’t go through it again!” Pearl wailed out.  “Watching Rose grow him inside her, knowing she was going to…go away when he came into the world…I can’t go through that again!  Not with Steven!  Not with my baby!”  Bursting into tears, she dropped her sword and rushed forward, wrapping as much of Steven as she could manage in a fierce embrace.

Steven stared down at her in surprise.  “…Pearl…”

“Hey Steven!” Peridot suddenly shouted out as she and Lapis arrived.  “Great news!  I have once again pulled through on your impossible technological request, once again proving the technical superiority of the Peridot!  I have successfully designed a room that will prevent you and Connie from Fusing while you’re both inside it.  Now you can have all the sex you want!  Isn’t that great?”

As everyone turned to stare at Peridot with expressions ranging from bemused to irritated, Lapis sighed.  “You failed to read the room again, Peri…”

“What room?  We’re outside!  Besides, I read the room perfectly when I designed it!”

A blaze of light heralded Stevonnie’s facepalm.

Lapis blinked for a time.  “You weren’t kidding about how easily you two fuse…”


	6. Chapter 6

The discussion – lecture, really – with Connie’s parents was long, loud, and to the point.  The one good point of it as far as Steven and Connie were concerned was that Connie’s Mom managed to convince Pearl that the _proper_ approach regarding her fears was to collect and study reproductive samples from Steven to see if there was any danger of pregnancy leading to premature demise, along with reminding Pearl that – unlike Rose Quartz – Steven’s anatomy was 90% flesh and blood with the ability to Gem shape shift, as opposed to 90% hard-light construct like most Gems.  This meant the chance of Steven getting pregnant was practically zero, and _actually_ zero unless Steven went to a supreme effort to get pregnant…and given he’d never managed to maintain a full shape shift – Fusions included – for more than a few hours at a time (the record was a full night’s sleep as Stevonnie), it was unlikely he’d manage to properly conceive let alone carry to term even if he _did_ make the attempt.

Despite that positive, Connie’s parents laid down the law quite firmly.  There was to be no sexual interaction between Steven and Connie until they were at least 23 or married – and no, that did _not_ mean they could get married tomorrow – and they were no longer allowed to go to the barn together without a proper chaperone.  This was arrived at once Peridot was forced to admit that the ‘Room’ she’d crafted was at the barn and could not be easily moved.

Much to everyone’s surprise, Lapis Lazuli immediately volunteered to act as chaperone.  The blue water Gem still unnerved Connie’s parents to a certain extent, so they were quick to accept her offer on the promise that she would make certain nothing inappropriate happened between the pair.

Garnet found it highly amusing that despite that promise, Steven and Connie returned from every trip to the barn thereafter – when Steven was purportedly providing Peridot with ‘samples’ to study – positively glowing in a way very reminiscent of Greg and Rose when they’d reached this very stage of the courting.  The one time weeks later when Lapis came to the house with the pair, Garnet decided to actually speak to her about it.  “So nothing inappropriate happened?” she asked with a teasing smile on her face.

“Not according to Earth culture,” Lapis responded immediately in her usual monotone.

Garnet raised one eyebrow.  “Oh?” she encouraged, her smile widening to a grin.

“They’re past their majority, in love, and in war,” Lapis explained simply.  “Every Earth documentary on the subject I’ve seen suggests that in any _one_ of those situations it’s _expected_ for such a pair to engage in sexual activity.”  She returned the smirk.  “How can it be inappropriate if it’s expected?”  Garnet joined her in the chuckle.

“You… _are_ practicing some form of…Dr. Maheswaran called it ‘safe sex’?” Pearl inquired worriedly of Steven.

Connie shuddered.  “Okay, I know it’s necessary for safety _and_ to give Peridot those samples to study, but it still feels _really_ weird when you do it.”

“Sorry about that,” Steven apologized warmly.  “But hey, it works?”

“What?” Pearl asked in confusion.

“I…figured out how to make smaller shield bubbles,” Steven explained.  To demonstrate, he lifted his right hand, shaping a bubble just around the hand stopping at his wrist.  “Since the bubbles are indestructible until I open them, I use them to collect the…samples.”

“But why would that feel weird to Connie?” Pearl asked, plainly confused.  Amethyst promptly fell off the second floor from laughing too hard.

“I’d…honestly rather not say anymore,” Steven murmured awkwardly.  “It’s…embarrassing…”

“And feels _super_ weird,” Connie murmured again.

“Still sorry,” Steven offered again.

“Still freaked out I’m starting to _like_ the weird,” Connie grunted irritably.

“And I thought Peridot and I were kinky,” Lapis murmured softly, a wide teasing smirk on her face.

“I still don’t understand what’s so great about this ‘sex’ thing that you’d want to engage so much!” Pearl groused.  “You can Fuse!  Why would you ever want to…to settle for this human activity?”

Connie started to bristle, but Steven laid his hand on her shoulder.  “Pearl, I think I can explain it to you.  It’s not that it’s sex.  It’s…making love.”

Pearl blinked.  “Well, that’s certainly more poetic, but-“

“There’s a moment in Fusion,” Steven interrupted softly, the softness of his voice somehow drawing the sound out of the room.  “When all physical sense has been discarded, and you’re just energy and thought.  Just as the two energies, the two thoughts, are about to merge…there’s a moment when you’re still yourself, but also the other person, just before you become the Fusion being.”  He turned to Garnet.  “A moment when you’re both Ruby _and_ Sapphire, but not yet Garnet.”  To his surprise, Garnet was flushing brightly, as was every other Gem in the room.  “Making love…it’s like bringing yourself up to that moment in Fusion and then…holding there.  Just staying in that moment of dual oneness, until the exquisite pleasure of the moment peaks…but instead of becoming one being, you’re left as two, staring into each other’s’ eyes with the memory of that extended moment burned into memory, glowing throughout your entire being.  It’s…”  He shook his head ruefully.  “I don’t know if I’m explaining it well-“

“If you’re at all close, then Peridot and I have been doing it wrong all this time,” Lapis murmured, her voice barely above a whisper but plainly audible throughout the room.  “That’s…wow…”

“Does the room Peridot made work for Gems, or just for Steven and Connie?” Garnet asked curiously.

“Just for them,” Lapis explained.  “But she made a Gem one as part of the development process-“

“Dibs,” Garnet stated quickly.  She then handed Lapis a tape recorder, set to play a certain segment.  “You’ll know when to push play.”

In a flash of light, Ruby and Sapphire stood where Garnet had been, both blushing and giggling.  “If you’ll excuse us?” Sapphire offered before yelping as Ruby scooped her up in her arms and rushed off with her.  “Ruby, decorum!”

“Dunno who Orum is, but I’ll deck him if you want me to!” Ruby promised as they raced off.

Pearl awkwardly coughed as though trying to clear her throat.  “W-well…” she stammered.  “I…I certainly understand why you would…want to experience that quite…frequently-“

“I want Greg to do me in the butt.”

Pearl shrieked in shock as she heard her own voice declaring that as Amethyst, Steven, and Connie all fell over laughing.  She rounded on Lapis, who was rewinding the segment of tape before hitting play again.

“I want Greg to do me in the butt,” Pearl’s voice declared loudly.

“Give me that tape recorder!” Pearl screamed angrily as she drew her spear.

Lapis spread her wings of water.  “Come and get it,” she taunted before taking to the air, an enraged Pearl in hot pursuit.

As the laughter continued, Stevonnie and Amethyst rolled back to back in shared laughter.  But Stevonnie was no longer upset about the unexpected Fusion.  She had taken the step she’d wanted to together.  Everything was alright now.


End file.
